Sunday, 19 July 2009

Does pregnancy stir your loins?

Is pregnancy sexy?

Today, I was wandering around at Wynyard station, minding my own business and I happened to wander into the newsagent. As one does, I checked out the stand of Mills and Boon toitles that were available, maybe 18-20 titles or so. It wasn't in most titles, but in enough to stand out ... there were quite a few titles with the word 'pregnant' or 'pregnancy' in it.

The titles were mainly weird, and long-winded, like they'd used up all the snappy and cool titles and now had to move onto the long-winded ones to make sure they weren't repeating old titles.

For instance, one was called The Tuscan Tycoon's Pregant Housekeeper.

Others included phrases such as Purchased for Pregnancy in the title and I don't think they were talking about one of those over the counter pharmaceutical tests.

Now, I kind of understood why the proliferation of words like "tycoon" and "billionaire" and passion" in the titles. These are words that traditionally are supposed to get a girl's heart pounding, especially if it's "Billionaire with a bad heart condition, and with no whiney ass kids fighting for their rights to the will when he pops it", which is probably an even better way to title a Mills and Boon, and probably would have been done if it had fit on the spine of one of those miniatures.

But pregnancy? I wasn't aware that tummy cramps, walking around like the side of the house, cravings to eat twice your share at meal times and antenatal classes were so erotic.

I must be so out of it.

I'm just going to write my new erotic thriller, The Mysterious Woman in the Lacy Maternity Gown. In all not so good bookshops as soon as I think of something more than the title to write down.


Lad Litter said...

No, no, no - it's the stirring in the loins that GETS you pregnant.

JahTeh said...

Ignore Lad Litter, there's a new redhead starting at his work.

I wouldn't touch a novel with pregnant in the title. It would be as traumatic as being given 'Black Beauty' to read as a child.

Maria said...

It's a bit out there, isn't it Jahteh? They should write it a bit more euphemistically:

The Knocked Up Redhead
The Gorgeous Housewife In The Family Way
The Blonde Eighteen Year Old Who Got Herself In a Bit of A Fix
The Exotic Woman Who's Whispering to the Pharmacist and Purchasing a Package Very Discretely
The Damsel with a Sudden Craving for Large Quantities of Icecream in the Morning Mixed with Sardines
The Lady who was Mistaken for the Side of a House

you know ... saying "pregnant" straight out there just kills the mood.