Tuesday, 27 May 2008

I want a Grab-the-toy-with-a-clamp Game Machine Power!

I once wrote a blog article asking which superpower people would have if they could choose one, like say psychic powers or flying or running really fast or shooting lasers or invisibility or something.

However I've thought of a new superpower I'd really want. I'd like to have the power to win at those grab a toy with a clamp game machines.

You know the ones. They are filled with fluffy toys, and you put money in the slot and have a turn. You either use a joystick or buttons to control a claw or clamp, and you get one chance to point it a certain way, then it will go and dive and reach out. If you have aimed well and the toys are positioned nicely it may pick up a toy for you and then drop it in a chute. If you haven't then you don't win anything.

Of course those games are nigh imposible usually because the toys are in a mess, the claw is inaccurate and you only get one chance to dive. And the claw is often really wide so even if it does pick something up it is liable to drop it before it reaches the chute.

Most likely it will dive and all it will do is toss around a few fluffy toys.

I think it's very frustrating. I tried a couple of those toy machines out. No deal! I still would have liked that devil Hello Kitty. Just for the heck of it, why not?

If I had a magic power, the claw would pick up a toy every single time it dived. Maybe it would pick up two. And it would drop them in the chute. I would have the largest collection of soft toys ever that way.

It is not entirely selfish. I would have an overflow so I would donate some to little kiddies in hospital. Maybe. When I have got bored with lining them all up in rows and photoing them and picking out my top 100 out of all the green teddies or whatever.

I spend nights thinking about that claw and wondering what I did wrong, why I missed, why the toy slipped. Someday the nightmare has to stop, and if I had the superpower maybe I could live a normal life. Someday.

Aaaargh! My Driving Instructor Cursed Me!

It sounds lame, but I haven't been blogging recently because I've been cursed.

I have been so ill recently I haven't been able to look at the computer without feeling a bit nauseous and feeling like I want to puke on the keyboard; not a healthy way to feel when I want to compose a blog article. On top of that I haven't been really in the mindframe to write a coherent few sentences.

It all started when I went for a driving lesson. As usual I was driving pretty badly, but that's the usual for me and I deal with it. My usual habit of not being able to brake or accelerate smoothly.

My instructor got frustrated with me and told me I'd feel sick because of it. "You'll feel it HERE," he said and touched the right side of his neck.

"What a wuss," I thought. I'd driven like this and much worse many other times, and never had such problems before. I'd always felt fine.

The day after the lesson I started to feel a bit groggy. "Must be Fridayitis," I thought, making up a convenient ailment. I felt like flopping down on the keyboard at work and was glad that the boss gave me an early mark at 4pm.

I was feeling all tight on the ... yes ... right side of the neck, so I fortunately got a lovely neck massage from Mr Coffee (many thanks!) which seemed to ease some tightness. However I still felt groggy - and I developed a headache on the right side of my head.

Saturday - head still throbbing. Tried to sleep all day. And it didn't get better by Sunday.

By the time the next week rolled around, things weren't getting better. In fact in the next week I developed MORE ailments, not fewer, including a worsening migraine on the right side, tightening muscles, tummy aches and a fever. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't think. My body ended up with cramps and pains.

I took a whole week off work.

I've never had an illness quite like that before so I dub it "The Curse of the Driving Instructor" and hope there is no reason to have to go through it again.

Certainly not if I get my license!

Sunday, 11 May 2008

I'm a Mug!

Over dinner, my mother pronounced her preference for fine bone china over other kinds of china. She wants to replace a mug she broke at work with one made of this elegant china.

"Why's it called bone china?" asked my brother.

"'Cause it's got bones in it," I explained. None of my family believed me at first, but it's true. I read up on it a bit more closely to ffind out how it's made. Bone china is a large percentage animal bone ash, as I reported back to my Dad.

"But why not HUMAN BONE ASH?" I mused.

"Good idea!" enthused father, who has taken to the idea of being cremated. "I'm a mug in life, why not make me a mug in death!"

I now present to you my services - or my FAMILY DINNER SERVICES.

Don't put granny in an urn - Make Granny into an urn!

Preserve the whole family in a classy dinnerware service. The Family Dinner Service, where you can choose the dinner service piece you'd like to be that represents YOUR personality! Would you like to be a fancy jug, an elegant platter, a smooth plate?

Be part of the family dinner ritual for decades after your death!

Or perhaps you'd like to be a little jam pot - not just be preserved but HOLD PRESERVES!

It's all up to you, at CREMATIONS and CERAMICS - We CARE for your WARE!

Review: Moliere

I think I've written some mean reviews lately. Not that those in question didn't deserve it, like Hating Alison Ashley, yegads, but I've shown a bit of dissatisfaction with what I've been watching.

Well, last Friday, I saw Moliere. Heartily recommend, especially if you're looking for a good cackle!

It's not a movie I would have picked to see, but now I've seen it I'm glad I did. I won tickets - so a freebie always makes you feel extra good in the theatre. The movie's a French one. It's about this Moliere fellow, a comic actor who's part of a bankrupt troupe of actors. He then ends up trying to earn his keep by hiring himself out to a Mr Jourdain under the pretense of being a religious young man and a tutor, for the man's daughter.

Mrs Jourdain catches on pretty quickly, but Mr Jourdain's in the dark. If you happen to appreciate a Ricky Gervais kind of comedy, with a cringeworthy David-Brent-from-The-Office character, then Mr Jourdain is your man. The film makes some obvious points about people asking for advice or criticism - but not taking it unless it's exactly what they wanted to hear - and has some excellent oppportunities for Moliere to showcase his comic acting abilities.

Watch out especially for the "dewdrop and horse" scene and the "Fair Marquise letter" scene. The "singing lesson scene" is definitely worth a mention too. You'll know which they are when you see them!

Mums worth $124,000

A calculation based on all the different job titles Mum takes on figured that if Mum were paid in cold hard cash she'd earn $124,000 a year.

Typical duties included:

housekeeper, daycare centre teacher, van driver, psychologist and chief executive officer

and the fact she works more than 40 hours a week.

I actually find this amusing because I asked someone what CEO means and it means you get to make all the executive decisions.

In fact I do that all the time, anyone can make them if they choose, just wish I could get paid in cold hard cash what duties I perform.

I am

CEO - I make decisions on everything for myself and often for other people too.
Legal secretary/paralegal (OK I'm getting paid for this)
Typist (what the heck am I doing now?)
Housekeeper (my bedroom is quite spick and span thank you. Lots better than some housewives I know)
Computer technologist
Events Organiser
Boardgames Player
Orange Juice taster
DVD watcher
Phone answerer
Professional Procastinator and Sleeper

to name just a few ... Oh and I do this full time.

Darn, I should be getting paid a fortune. Unfortunately I'm not. It's a disgrace I tell you!