Terrible Movie Marketing Strategies

I recently watched the movie Miss Congeniality (Sandra Bullock, Michael Caine, Candace Bergen) and I then did as usually do - checked out what a whole lot of other people thought about it on IMDB.

I came across an interesting discussion on one of the discussion threads, where some guy complained that the movie title was the worst marketing decision ever because "Miss Congeniality" was such an obscure word and no one he knew used the word "congeniality" in fact he didn't know what it meant, it was the stupidest marketing decision ever.

Naturally this thread had been started before Kraft had started the iSnack 2.0 campaign.

Well, of course some people leapt on him and told him to go spread a little dictionary on his toast, stupid, "congeniality" wasn't exactly that obscure a word. Exactly which bit of it didn't he get? It wasn't helped by the fact that his short posting was peppered with spelling mistakes.

What was odd was the fact that he likened the title to "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" - an ill-thought out title, a bad marketing decision because it used an obscure title that no one understood.

Umm, well I don't think it really hurt Harry that much, and I'm a little confused about the comparison. Which bit of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone doesn't he get? Does he not understand the word "Stone" or "Potter" or never heard of a "Harry" before? I'm totally confused. It wouldn't matter if you didn't understand what a "philosopher's stone" is but understood the word's separately - any dolt understanding the English language would be able to tell you if you've come across the word philosopher and you've come across the word stone, a philosopher's stone simply implies "stone of or belonging to a philosopher" and then of course the movie explains the significance of that to you.

Of course, there are some movies like "Snakes on a Plane" which use nice simple words and is ... well ... self-explanatory. But many of the movies that have been extremely popular are a little on the obscure side and have used words that are longer than one syllable. Like Superman, for instance, or Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (What the heck is an Indiana? Anyone? Anyone? And help me if I know what the Temple of Doom is!).

It could have been after reading this discussion board that it was decided to switch from two syllable words to one syllable words to increase popularity, and Batman was remarketed as The Dark Knight. 'Batman' was possibly considered just a bit too difficult for the attention span of some of the movie regulars nowadays.

One of the movie titles that has always baffled me is Die Hard. The fact that I have never quite understood the title hasn't stopped me enjoying the film though. Die Hard? Where in the movie is it about dying hard, as opposed, I suppose, to dying easy or dying soft? Or is that supposed to be a reference to when Hans Gruber dies, and he falls out and lands on the ground, which I suppose is quite hard? Then the next movie is called Die Harder, but I don't think anything could be much harder than splattering your brains out on concrete like that, and I don't think it even shows it to be ...

It's totally confusing. That is obscure.

My Aspiration to Work at Google

Recently someone started in on me about how cool it was to work at Google and what a great work culture they have there.

I have no doubt that this could be true, but I'm not sure what use they'd have for a once-paralegal whose ambition is to write a really cool book about witches.

I did think about working for Google, and what possible skills I would have to offer such an organisation, and there is about only one thing I could think of.

I think would like, and would be good at, coming up with different ways to write "Google". You know, the way the Google logo changes. Sometimes the two "o"s look like eyes or something. But I reckon I could come up with some really creative ones. One could be a blue eye and one could be a green eye!

That's called INNOVATIVE.

I'm sure someone is in charge of that, it doesn't just change by itself. In fact there is a bit of a fuss over the second "o" now so it's not like this logo changing means nothing.

I, in fact, envisage a whole team of about 6 people whose job it is to come up with different ways to write "Google". One in charge of each letter.

One who walks around saying "I'm the "first "o" man" and another saying "I'm the "l" lady!". That would be their title. Their day would be filled with nothing but "o"s or "G"s or whatever letter they would be assigned.

Wow. It's just a great idea. I think I could do that. I don't know, I think an "o" would suit me fine, but really, I'm just happy to be part of the team. I'll take any letter. Really.

Gulp!

I applied for a job yesterday, online.

I pressed the button the website and it led me to a form where I filled in a couple of basic details and then it said to submit my resume.

That's it. No personality test, no references, no academic transcript, no background check and no need for a drivelly cover letter where I go on predictably about my excellent communication skills, my love for working in a team, my ability to prioritise and multitask and handle high pressure environments and my ability to work BOTH independently and in a group and my great computer and office skills.

Now I should have been glad not to have to go through all that predictable crap per usual but for some reason without it I felt lost! I sat there for a few moments and thought "HEEEEEEEEEELP!"

Then I had to remind myself, "Hey, this is a good thing!" and remember to attach my resume and submit!

Flexible on the Job

Now I'm all for multiskilled lawyers. And being a paralegal comes with more than just legal research and court work and legal admin, sure.

I've been there and done that sort of thing. Made plenty of coffees, ordered food, written ads for wineries, even babysat for grandchildren. Flexibility on the job. All for it.

But now, out of work as I am, I searched MyCareer for a law job and limited my search to Legal - Law Clerks/Paralegals NSW, and here's one job ad that came up:


Junior
JUNIOR Lawnmowing. Must be fit, reliable & willing to work. 0417 249 309

Hmmm.

That's a new one. I didn't take up Lawnmowing Law as my elective, but it's a possibility.

My kind of job filter

I'm searching for jobs, and I just wish there were a different kind of job website.

Right now I'm not too picky about exactly what kind of job I do because I don't have an exact career path. In fact, it would be fair to say I don't have any career path. I'm not like one of those people who can say "I'm an unemployed electrician looking for another electrician's job" because basically I don't know the first thing about electrician's stuff or anything much else definitely for that matter. In fact I have years and years of education stuffed into this brain of mine (and thanks to that, a huge HECS debt) but no real career path. I guess you wouldn't sell me as a career development planner or advisor then.

I can do very skilfully what a heap of other people can do, which is basic office work and research in non-specific areas, which means I could probably be a clerk in some kind of role but that pretty much means looking in every single area posted in the job ads, because there are clerks and people who want people who can type and write and turn on a computer and shuffle paper around and think a bit but not too much everywhere. Dammit.

When you shuffle through these ads it's boring as hell. And rather overwhelming. So you try to use the internet filters which aren't much help. You can search by industry. No thanks. Search by location - how picky should I be? Search by salary - hell, why should I limit myself?

What I really want to filter out of my searches are the following ads but there don't seem to be search buttons allowing me to filter them out, which is annoying:

*ads asking for your academic transcript. I hate them asking what grades you got in first year uni.
*old ads. The ones that look ok but when you write to them they tell you they found someone for that job five weeks ago. Why the heck don't they take the ad down then?
*ads which spend three quarters of the ad in self-interested wank going on about their exciting new firm and project and their great feel-good team and breakthroughs and achievements and say pretty much nothing about the job. Please, please, please don't do that to me ... oh and by the way they usually have stupid sounding names too.
*ads which sound ok but tell you the only way to apply is through the online process, which you need to register for, which is a long involved process including filling in a questionnaire and having to write your resume into little boxes already pre-packaged by them, and doesn't allow you to add in any extra info to sell yourself. Also, your computer times out on you about 7 times in the first two steps.

Did I say something about not too picky about a job?

I'm just picky about the ad.

Employment Theory

I'm on the job prowl yet again, and I sent off a job application to a law firm. It actually seemed like a pretty interesting jobs and one that I would really have liked to have, not just one of those filler jobs or "better than nothing" kind of jobs.

After a while I received an email telling me that they were "inundated with applications "and sorry, I didn't get the job.

Who DOES get these jobs? You know, the jobs that people actually think are interesting and wouldn't mind actually doing that are posted on the web?

I think it's a bit like winning the Lotto. These people are phantoms. I can't imagine they really exist. to be certain, I'm not one of 'em.

I have this feeling they don't really exist, it's just one of those ploys that's meant to keep us going and working in silly jobs and using these websites, the lure that there are actually cool jobs out there and they are searchable on the web. You know, they'll stick up a crock job on the web and people will "inundate" them with applications and then they will reject everyone saying "sorry the standard of applications was very high and unfortunately yours was not chosen" and then there is someone high up rolling about the floor laughing, ready to make up another amusing ad and go through the process again.

In fact, their job sounds pretty cool!

Bomb the Moon!

Yesterday I read this article about how NASA as found, in the so called global economic recession, half a billion dollars to bomb the moon.

I'm sure lots of Americans are really glad to know how their tax money is being spent. While they don't have welfare nearly so good as many other countries to prop them up should they lose their job, which is happening is droves at the moment, they can sleep well knowing that their is a nice dent in the moon's surface.

The reasons, according to this article, for bombing the moon, are a) to find water which may or may not be on the moon and b) if there is water, the water vapour which will be sent up in the air by the bomb will form a cloud which will allow us to draw a very detailed map of the moon. Of course this could disturb the water supply and the map of the moon will be different from the moon as we currently know it because it will have a huge dent in the side of it from a bomb, but to hell with that.

So basically, we are spending half a billion dollars to find water in outer space that mightn't even exist but if it does exist, it will be a long way from us so I'm thinking, what exactly will a water supply out there do for us, wouldn't it be smarter to build a really cool dam or water catchment on Earth? What's next, a big pipeline from Earth to the moon or little modules that go out to the moon every so often with astronauts whose sole job is to fill up little plastic bottles, load them on to the ship and then bring 'em back and sell them to restaurants at exorbitant prices?

What's more, if we interfere with the moon to much, by bombing the hell out of it with target practice or draining it of large amounts of water, who knows what it may do to affect our own environment, as the moon has a direct effect on Earth - including its own water movements (oh, and some say our mental health).

The next thing is, we're trying to get a map of the moon.

I'm not sure why, I don't know how many people holiday there, we are slack enough about getting maps on Earth. My bus route map is inaccurate. Start at home.

Wat are they hoping to do with a map of the moon, start a Google Moon project?

I can just see it, Google will announce a Google Moon service, and everyone will want to see their favourite part of the moon.

Whoopee!

Then you'll download the service and it will tell you "Please type in an EXACT STREET ADDRESS" or it won't show you the pic of the moon bit you want which will be absolutely fantastic. I want my Google Moon money back.

There is probably a reason why intelligent life from outer space doesn't contact us and that's possibly because we don't rate as intelligent to them. They're ringing all their more intelligent buddies and writing human beings off in the "dumbass" sector, not worth bothering with or contacting.

The Bird Feeder

I got this bit of spam:

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed.

Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table...everywhere.

Then some of the birds turned mean: They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud: They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore.

I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone.

I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now lets see....... our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegal's came by the tens of thousands.

Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families: you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor: your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English: Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to press "one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than "Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

Hmmm, I thought.

I liked birds, so I bought a bird feeder. Which was the only reason you'd buy a birdfeeder in the first place. I put it in the backyard and put in birdseed. Birds came a long squawking and they pooped too! Just like the parable.

So I took away the birdfeeder.

Then I would sit in my backyard and dammit!

I couldn't do any birdwatching any more, even though it was pretty serene and peaceful it was also DAMN BORING. Back to square one. I figured I actually preferred it when the birds were pooping and squawking. It's like saying to a dog lover, would you prefer no dog at all, or would you prefer a dog who mooches around, poops on the floor, and expects unconditional love and a rub on the tummy and free dog food for no pay? They'd take the dog.

Also, I found out everyone else got this spam and there were no bird feeders around. So all the birds were going into the wild.

Then they got killed off by the bigger animals because they didn't have safe places to eat birdseed.

Hmmm hmmm. Still our gardens were very peaceful. And boring.

Then I thought a bit more and figured out - spam parables suck and don't explain real life properly!

I have an inbox. I put it out for free. I put out my email address for free.

But within a short time, all these ... emails take advantage of it and poop spam in my inbox.

Then they get very mean and start sending crap like penis enlargement programs and credit card scams and pyramid schemes. They bomb me with the stuff even though I had been very kind and given out my email address for free and set up my account out of my own time.

Then the hijackers and woems and viruses come out of nowhere.

Suddenly it costs heaps for anti-virus programs and you spend all day getting rid of 800 pieces of junk to read one email from your friend. And hackers are demanding more rights and liberties and getting them than we ordinary one mail a dayers.

Maybe it's time I took done the birdfeeder. I mean email account.

After that I didn't get any stupid parables about bird feeders or karma or blondes or how to keep your car like your relationship.

I liked the birds. I could do without the bird spam.

Now to dig into Amazon.com (and co.uk)

I've ranted at Three. I've ranted at CityRail. Now to get stuck into Amazon.

I like writing book reviews, just ... because. Anyhow, I started an account on Amazon so I could, every so often, write something about a book I had thoughts on. I found out if I set up an account I could do this. All I needed was an email and a password.

Everything was getting along dandy, and the last review I wrote was 12 days ago. Then I got a message when I tried to write a review: That I needed to purchase something before I wrote a review.

A purchase requirement was necessary to control the quality of review.

Now of course, that doesn't exactly follow, because you can buy some handcream or something from Amazon, and you can still be allowed to write a review on War and Peace, and that doesn't really control the quality of the review. It doesn't guarantee anything - that the person has purchased the object they're reviewing, or that they have read the book.

What it does guarantee is that if you want to write a review, you have to hand over your credit card details, and some money.

However, it is Amazon's site, so if that's their rule, I guess it's their rule. though surely they could come right out and say "Amazon needs to have your personal details and cash before we let you review products".

So I began browsing reviews. My own previous reviews, which I'd mysteriously been able to write 12 days previously, and before, were still up. I thought, I couldn't write a review, but could I comment on someone else's? Underneath each review is a section where you may post a comment on someone's review, or vote as to whether it's helpful.

I attempted to post a comment on someone's review. it told me that unless I made a purchase, I couldn't comment.

So I tried to post a comment on my OWN review. I couldn't do that either - I had to make a purchase too!

Hey, I thought, that's not fair!

Sometimes people get quite heated in comments on reviews. Under your review they ask questions, scoff, debate why you wrote your review in a certain way. Amazon had let me write a review, then changed the rules on me so it was possible for others to debate my review but not possible for me to answer those people - unless I paid a fee!

That really irked me, so I tried to get rid of all my reviews in one hit, by deleting my account. Funny thing was, I couldn't find a "delete account" button.

I did a google search and found some articles saying that Amazon was quite sneaky in that it did not provide a facility for deleting accounts! You could change your details, etc, but you could not actually delete your account. And often people did not want their account there.

So, I went back and manually deleted every single damn review I had written. Laborious, I know. I'll be writing reviews elsewhere in the future, methinks. And the account remains, but it's empty. Since I didn't ever buy anything from them, I s'pose the worse thing that I can get from them is spam mail; I didn't hand over credit details.And I didn't have wish lists to delete or anything.

Phew!

I really think it's crap for these big places not to have "delete account" facilities.

Oh, and Amazon has been slow in getting a parcel out to Mr Coffee. That's another thing not in their favour!