Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Public Toilet Queasiness

I'm going to come out of the bathroom and admit to another phobia.

I have a distinct phobia about public bathrooms.

I really dislike them. I avoid going to any public bathroom; of course some places' "amenities" are better than others but all up, it's not my cup of tea. Or cup of toilette. Or bowl of toilet.

I know there have been studies saying that the public toilet seat is in fact no more swarming with germs than your work keyboard, but I've never believed it. I'm sure they must have done a switch when they did that test. Someone switched the toilet seat with the keyboard and the tester just didn't notice when he or she was taking a sample of germy bits.

I always imagine toilets with this infestation of creepy crawlies. I can never bring myself to sit down on a public toilet seat, which means environmentally unfriendly-like covering the toilet with lots of toilet paper so no skin at all has danger of any even accidental contact.

I can't believe the average public toilet could be considered as clean as a keyboard. not some of the ones I've seen. Twice I've been to a public toilet and someone before me has blasted faeces all over the toilet seat. I have never seen that on a work keyboard, fortunately.

I usually attempt to go to the toilet before I leave the house so I don't have to go in the public bathroom. Sometimes I go twice at home before I leave the house. I dont' know if this ups my chances of not having to go once I've gone out.

There have been some public bathrooms which are not all puddly wet on the floor and don't look like a poo-bomb has hit them, but I never feel quite comfy in the cubicle.

It just doesn't feel the right place for swishing out the bladder and bowel area.

I can never feel at home in a public bathroom.

Or maybe that's the point.


TimT said...

We've got both the best and worst of it when it comes to public toilets in Melbourne.

THE GOOD: Classy Victorian/Edwardian public toilets in the inner city, below the Atheneum theatre, the town hall, the Carlton cake shop Brunettis, and a number of other places. You have to descend below ground, like you're going to take a subway train or something like that. The Baron's House has subterranean toilets nearby, too!

THE WORST: State-of-the-art electronic toilets. You press a button to open the doors, and after you sit on them for a minute, a light flashes at you telling you to get out. (They flush out the whole place with water periodically, apparently.) They scare the heck out of me. They just sit in the corner of well-populated suburbs, glaring at you... like Daleks!

Maria said...

I think that could put a potential visitor in a state of nervousness that could stall him or her mid-bowel-movement. You'd be there and some stall is urging you to "Move it! Move it!"

Next there wil be a public service announcement saying "Maria has had plenty of time to finish her No. 1's and No. 2's in Stall No. 3. If she is spending any extra time in there she must be a) removing the fixtures b) in a coma c) inscribing very bad imitation-Shakespearean poetry on the stall walls. Please haul her out of there immediately."