Little Zeno

I just received something that's just like an ipod, only it's cheaper, and smaller. The cheaper makes it a great deal more lovable in my eyes, and I've been jumping about with glee for the past few days. Oh, happy bargain electrical goods! There is never a better day when you can spend a whole lot of money knowing you've given a large corporation more money to do so! I've been ecstatic ever since.

My little object of affection is called a Zen Neeon, or Little Zeno as I call it, partly because I think it sounds cute, but mostly because I'm suffering temporary dyslexia, or somefing.

I'm welcoming my little Zen. It gives me piece of mind.

Happy Birthday Lexicon Harlot!!!!

On this day, long ago - or at least, err hum, some time ago, Lexicon Harlot was born, and the world was not the same ever again. Turmoil. Chaos. Political Protests. Puns. Dog Photo Galleries. Turquoise scarves. Mushroom growing kits. Which is why there is much celebration going on this end of town. I'm in Sydney right now, and Ms Harlot's in Melbourne.

This is time to reflect on Ms Harlot's eminent earlier years. I met her when she was much younger and shorter and actually ate chunky beef bits that weren't made of vegetable, they were made of meat. I also knew her when she had a whole lot more hair.

I remember birthday numero twenty five when a drastic haircut was her celebrarion and she went from long-haired maiden to cropped, and I told her she looked like Young Einstein.

That was rather cruel, but it was even crueller when she soundly beat me at Scrabble that day so I guess we're even.

Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday

Congraduations To Me!

For those who've been wondering where I've been - the one of you (um, mainly me) - I've been basking in the glory of my post-graduation phase. That's right, I've joined the ranks of those who can officially say that they've paid a stupendous amount of money on top of their Uni course and compulsory union fees to have an hour or so poncing about in a black tent and a flat topped hat to celebrate their liberty from librariness and their relief that they've now got to go out into the workforce and contribute most of that to HECS fees for the next few years to justify their existence.

Yippeee for me, I say!

I was told by so many how proud I looked, as I left the stage clutching my testamur. Mostly it was because I had managed not to fall flat on my face wearing those new heels I'd bought for the occasion.

Mr Coffee bought me some purple roses - my fave colour - for the event, to prove that I have a significant audience on my blog, reading my biography. One is a very significant number in quite a few cultures.

Mum got her share in the flowers too - a fair smack - literally. Ready - aim - strike - see photo. After all, my graduation was just before Mother's Day so I had to take advantage of the time before the day where I was obliged to be perfectly nice to her. A lesson I learnt in University is that you should never miss an opportunity. Actually I learnt that in kindy when I really wanted a great book on witches and this girl with a long plait left it alone for a minute while she was fiddling with her hair, but that's another story.

There is a lovely photo of my father and I. He is grimacing - or smiling with his mouth shut, because he's gappy. I tried to sing him the gappy song, but after several verses, I feared for my life. It's a pity because there are so many advantages to being gappy - he can do a great whistle now that he couldn't do before. I'd show the photo but I've been "requested" not to. Usually little Maria here would rebel, but since Dad has developed the gap-toothed temper to go with the tooth, I'll humour him.

Now it looks like I have no excuse to sit around as an unemployed bum, or student, as the polite term may be. Perhaps I'll take up another degree.

Your Choice In The Skinny Dip

Here's a letter I read in that bastion of unsensationalism, The Daily Telegraph :

Seeing pictures of thin young models makes me wonder why designers would want such people to model their clothes.

I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but does anyone find beauty in skinny models? It may be natural, as they claim, but to me, models such as Jennifer Hawkins or Elle MacPherson are more attractive and would show off the designs to the best advantage.

It is probably unrealistic for most women to have such beautiful bodies as those of Jennifer and Elle, but does anyone want to look like the thin models?

Bev Martin, Mona Vale - Tuesday, May 8, 2007, p18


Does anyone want to look like the thin models? Um, try asking any of the people diagnosed with anorexia nervosa or bulimia.

Truly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Recently, comments such as "Megan Gale looks like a horse" "Angelina Jolie - doesn't do it for me" - "Jennifer Hawkins - pretty ordinary" - "I can't stand big breasts" "I'm a boob man" "Redheads!" and so forth, I've read and heard all over the place. There's a company that wanted all "ordinary bodied-woman" - plumper, round-figured women to model.

Why would a designer put clothes on a skinny model?

Honey, if it works for their clothes business. That's why.

Sonata To A Gappy Man; Or, When You're Gappy And You Know It

Recently my Dad had a tooth removed. This has given him a whole new perspective on life, or, has given others a whole new perspective into his mouth. He's kept tight-lipped, literally, on the topic, but it's a life-changing time for him. Mum's softening him and his meals up, but apart from chew really savagely on a large bone with the right front side of his mouth, there isn't a lot he can't do. When you've lost a tooth, you can still do many things - wiggle your hips, say hurrah, stomp your feet, save the environment and I'm sure you could run for PM too. And there's no reason why you shouldn't put passion into it, and broadcast your new life's purpose - or recycled old life's purpose - with music.

Despite Lexicon Harlot's endearing comment, "Music is not Maria's pianoforte", I hope you'll bear with my joyous little ditty writen in celebration of my Dad's missing tooth. You never know, it may become the anthem for the Paralympics one day, and you'll be able to say you sang it here first. Sing along!

Generic Gappy Happy Opening Verse
When you're gappy and you know it, stomp your feet!
When you're gappy and you know it, stomp your feet!
When you're gappy and you know it and you really want to show it,
When you're gappy and you know it, stomp your feet!

Next verse for the Environmentally Aware Gappies, who can do anything
When you're gappy and you know it plant a tree!
When you're gappy and you want to grow it, plant another three,
When you go to the loo, don't flush unless you've done a poo,
When you're gappy and you want to slow it (really slow it) take public transport too!

Next verse for the shopaholic gappies
When you're gappy and you know it, max out your credit card!
When you've got someone else's do it double, c'mon it's not that hard!
Dentures these days cost so much, it's not as if going into debt is difficult as such,
When you're gappy your credit card is your crutch!

Put your gap to use, gappies!
When you're gappy and you know it you can whistle a darn good tune,
When you're gappy and you use it that gap's a boon,
When you make it work to a tee, you'll be whistling do-re-mi delicately,
When you're gappy and disciplined that day'll be soon.

For the sadists out there
When you're gappy and you know it you can make people cry,
When you're gappy and you're sadistic you can curl your lip and look them in the eye,
People get distraught and their faces they all contort,
When you're gappy and you practised you could make them die.

Gappies - the world is your oyster! Be prepared for many more verses ...