'Tweaking' (aka lying) on your resume

It's a tough world out there, but someone's got to live in it. Like alive people. And lots of us have to work in it, or try to. But sometimes it's not that easy to find a job, or get into an industry we like, or some people just hate the job we're doing but can't think of a way out. Or some people are just plain lazy. Whatever it is, we have a system where for the most part a resume is a big slice of how to get a job, or even just to get an interview, but is it ever ok to lie on your resume?

Here's a discussion of that very topic.

Some people would say you have to be totally upfront on your resume, some would say it's ok to lie on your resume, and others would point to a middle ground - it's ok to tell white lies, to exaggerate, to 'tweak' a resume, but telling outright lies is just wrong. The problem with this is that where exactly do you draw the line on tweaking? And won't you be mad if you draw the line differently from someone else and that other person gets the job!

In the link above, many of the objections come from someone who wants to outright lie on their resume, and also because the motivation seems to be because he's bludged around a bit, and has decided he wants to lie because he knows a bit about some things, but doesn't have the certificates, and he wants to get a job that "doesn't totally suck" without doing the hard menial yards that most people have to do to get there. His idea is that he will try to walk straight in to a more comfortable position.

Whereas most people either have to do the hard yards either in a university/TAFE, or spend a few years doing low-level crappy work to get their foot in the door. I remember some producer at Channel Nine telling me she got there by taking on a crummy job filing tapes in the library for less than $18 000 a year in order to become a TV producer. And she had to badger them like crazy to get that job.

But is it EVER ok to lie on your resume? The arguments on the forum are that if you lie on your resume, it helps you not because you wouldn't have the skills if you didn't have the qualifications/experience. Others say that if you weren't prepared to work hard to get the qualifications and experience, then you cannot be the kind of person who would work hard to learn on the job, so the "I would work hard to learn on the job" argument is invalid.

But there are certain arguments for tweaking your resume.

Employers are notorious for skimming resumes and jumping to conclusions based on them, and key words leap out at them. What if the job you did recently, if you were to honestly describe it, would not really contain any of those key words, yet you know you gained the requisite skills. It might be easier to use the vague and industry accepted terms just to get your foot in the door, rather than be very honest.

What if an unusual situation occurred on your job that did not majorly affect your career progression, that could either be glossed over or covered up by a white lie, or look awkward on a resume that could put you slightly behind someone who had a more 'conventional' career path, or would take a 500 word exposition to explain that no one would bother to read? Many would choose the 'white lie'.

The trouble is, at what point do you distinguish between the white lie and the dirty big fat black lie? Everyone has their own standard.

If you say you have "lots of customer experience" and you really worked for two weeks in a boring old quirky shop where you might have been lucky to serve one person every two days, and simply took their money and gave them a receipt, is that just "slight embellishment" or a lie?

If you are misleading - for instance - write that you "attended" a course but don't point out that you mean that you turned up for the first half of the first class, but never studied the subject and certainly never passed any of the tests or assignments ... is that a lie?

And what about lies by omission? What if you omit that you have certain qualifications because you don't wish to look overqualified for a position, or interested in other areas of study which may make them think you are a less stable employee?

My resume is edited, embellished and tweaked, I must admit. It is not a bland setting out of my educational and work history to date. But I regard that as a necessity - I just don't know whether my own version is anyone else's "too far".

Blackface comedy. I hope I am not offending anyone here. If so, apologies in advance.

Recently, on a Hey Hey it's Saturday sketch, a group calling themselves the Jackson Jive got verbally stoned by Harry Connick Jr for being racist because they used blackface comedy. The host Daryl Somers, apologised for any offence caused, and I too, would like to apologise for any offence I may cause in discussing this obviously sensitive issue.

This meant in the sketch, five of them turned up using black face paint (representing themselves as "Afro-Americans", also known by some people as "blacks", I hope that's not too racist. Another appeared wearing white makeup, satirising Michael Jackson who was an Afro-American who bleached his skin so it looked more of the pallour of those who are "Anglo-Saxon" or "Caucasian" or otherwise known as "white", hopefully that isn't offensive. Michael Jackson also recently "passed away", that is also otherwise known as "died". I hope that isn't too offensive either.

Now, I'm not "black" nor "white", not that it would matter if I was either. So I guess I don't really understand the fuss about blackface comedy, and whether it is the blackfacedness or the comedy bit that is really tasteless, or is it the combination?

Is it just plain offensive to make fun of blacks, or Afro-Americans, because it's racist? Because there goes the comedy material for about a third of those big budget Hollywood movies that are in production right this second.

Or is it smearing black face paint on that's just disgusting? Personally I don't like the look myself, I've usually thought the shoe grease should stay on the shoe though I haven't always been that successful. But what about all those disgusting, non-really-black actors who were trying to play Othello? Hung, drawn and quartered, ought they be?

A clue might lie in this where a guy says that blacks do not have pitch black skin, and that is why they are offended by that sketch. It is an interesting objection - one of the devices used by comedy is exaggeration - which is why clowns and mimes trying to hide behind a blank face use white makeup and exaggerated red lipstick which doesn't look anything like a real white human being. Hold the golliwogs!

To be perfectly accurate, most blacks aren't black, they're more browny, most whites aren't white either, they're kinda pinky-creamy-light-brown and I'll be damned if yellow skinned people look that yellow to me.

And anyway, why stop at racism? What I want to know is if black people can get on their high horses about blackface comedy, why should women stand for this crap either? Some idiots dress up INACCURATELY and EXAGGERATEDLY trying to imitate a DOWNTRODDEN group in the name of humour ...

I really don't know why we put up with Barry Humphries, Dustin Hoffman, Robin Williams, or John Travolta at all, who've all exploited women and dressed up in drag and put on caked up makeup in stupid looking outfits that look nothing like what I'd wear - I don't know anyone who acts or looks like Dame Edna Everage - just for satire. It's insulting, it's sexist, and I think I give them a zero. What's more, they degrade women's plight further by going on to earn a fortune out of their huge man-in-women's boobs act than many women who have real or at least only slightly modified by a very discreet surgeon's boobs, make because their own boobs have hit the glass ceiling!

I think all women should stand on their high heels, jump on top of their 'Tootsie' and 'Mrs Doubtfire' DVDs and make it clear that if Mr Harry Connick Jr can get the weight of America behind him, we should at least get a portion of it too!

Unfortunately, I feel that no matter how much I jump up and down, the race issue will always propel American s far more than the gender one. After all, they voted in Obama, and not Hillary Clinton.

How to Mark a Birthday

Today marks a very special day and not just because I turned one year older today. In fact it's a funny way of putting it, because I feel like I just did turn one year older today, you know, for a year I wasn't turning any days older and today - 365 days hit me like that! It was a growing experience.

Quality people are born on and around this day, I would just like to mention I share this birthday with the illustrious poet and blogger TimT and also that I also almost share it with Roald Dahl and my cousin's little daughter, who was born just two days ago. That is, my cousin's little daughter was, Roald Dahl was born a little earlier than that years-wise but on the same day as the little one, in case anyone was a little confused about that.

I'm in good company!

Anyhow, today started out well. For one thing, I slept in. That's a nice way to start a day. Good bout of sleep!

Nextly, I went to visit Mr Coffee, who had got most of the day off work.

I had recently made a bet with Mr Coffee that I could learn basic vi (an editor for programming) methods in the last week or so. I have not won a bet with Mr Coffee yet. The last one he won and I had to buy him a slice of cake at the Citrus cafe in Newtown! And he has been shying away from bets ever since so I couldn't win it back.

But today I proved my basic vi skills and won my cake! That is a VERY good way to have a birthday! CAKE and to get the betting score back in balance ... what more could a girl want?

I had chocolate meringue. It's a good start to the year.

I have read some very nice SMSes and blog comments and emails saying happy birthday ... thank you very much for remembering and saying hello ... and keep reading!

Unfortunately there are some little downers to birthdays. For instance I had to go to my computer classes and it's my annoying lecturer teaching Tuesday class, and he was not being any more competent this class than any other. He told us all that in our last class test the grades were so low in general that they would have to be all scaled up. I don't think he has considered that it could be because he is an incomprehensible teacher and writes rather confusing tests. After all I doubt it is all because we are incompetent dolts - it is a class where you have to be a graduate to make it into the class, and apparently a good proportion of the class has a computing background (though not me).

Still, stuffed full of meringue and with a nice doze-in I feel a very satisfied birthday girl!

Weight Loss Schemes that Really Work

Whenever people moan about weight loss and how really hard it is and how people should sympathise with certain large people because their body shape is just not the type suited to weight loss, so it's cruel to go on about how they're overweight, I think WHAT ROT!

The trouble with people who moan about this and try these silly diets like the fish one day and chocolate the next diet is they want weight loss to be easy. They like fish and chocolate. Then they feel like they have achieved something cool by telling everyone that they have fish one day and chocolate the next instead of having both every day and this makes them real martyrs.

Of course if you really want to lose weight it is very easy and you don't need experts in nutrition or whatever to explain how:

You can chop off a limb.
You can cut yourself and leak a lot of blood.
You can go without food at all for a very long time. Like years on end. There are all these experts who will go on about how this will actually work against you because it will slow down your metabolism and switch you to food storage mode and you'll stack up more weight. ONLY IF YOU GO BACK TO EATING AGAIN. DO NOT BE FOOLED.

However for all people go on about desperate dedication to losing body weight, it seems many are not ready to really take the plunge. They would rather be alive and have all four limbs than be light.

It seems these moaners are lacking commitment to the cause. Let them whine!

De Ja Vu

I was just watching the DVD of Anne of Green Gables The Sequel the other day which is a hefty almost 4 hours long and is based on three of the follow up books to Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery.

It isn't bad, certainly it's only based on the books and deviates from them marvellously. In some ways I enjoyed it more than the first DVD, probably because I'm not so attached to the sequel books as to the first book. So the fact that the plot deviates a lot didn't bother me so much.

I know that TV series such as this are supposed to evoke a sense of de ja vu, but must they do it so self-consciously? I suppose I watched 4 hours in one stretch (hey, I've just lost my job, I have nothing to do round the house all day but watch nostalgic videoes) and if it were shown episodically on TV it may have felt differently.

But I felt that in the Anne of Green Gables DVDs, they overdid the bit about repeating key "Anne" phrases till they became laborious. "Luckily I have an imagination" "she really is a kindred spirit" "I see that [whatever] hasn't damaged your tongue, Anne" seemed to pepper everyone's speech, with a knowing look and twinkle in the eye. Bah. Or maybe it just seemed that way to me. As far as I know, Ms Montgomery cooled off using that so much in the later books anyhow.

But what really got me was the play scene with Mary Queen of Scots. There's that fainting scene. Am I dreaming but were those complaints made by the girl who had to do the fainting snitched straight from Amy in Louisa May Alcott's Little Women?

Amy is told she's "stiff as a poker" at the fainting scene, and she complains that she doesn't choose to get all dirty tumbling down getting bruises, and if she can down easily, she will go. Jo then demonstrates how to faint for her, and does so with drama.

In Anne of Green Gables, "Hattie" in Mary Queen of Scots is told she is stiff at fainting, and she complains she doesn't choose to get all dirty fainting, and if she can go down easily, she will. Anne jumps in and does a demonstration, but Hattie can't imitate her well.

I know this is meant to evoke childhood memories, but nicking something out of another childhood girly book? Or am I forgetful, and did L.M. Montgomery and Louisa May Alcott happen to write something very similar, and the screenplay writer just faithfully adapted that very scene from Ms Montgomery's work?

Anyhow, felt weird.

Employment Theory

I'm on the job prowl yet again, and I sent off a job application to a law firm. It actually seemed like a pretty interesting jobs and one that I would really have liked to have, not just one of those filler jobs or "better than nothing" kind of jobs.

After a while I received an email telling me that they were "inundated with applications "and sorry, I didn't get the job.

Who DOES get these jobs? You know, the jobs that people actually think are interesting and wouldn't mind actually doing that are posted on the web?

I think it's a bit like winning the Lotto. These people are phantoms. I can't imagine they really exist. to be certain, I'm not one of 'em.

I have this feeling they don't really exist, it's just one of those ploys that's meant to keep us going and working in silly jobs and using these websites, the lure that there are actually cool jobs out there and they are searchable on the web. You know, they'll stick up a crock job on the web and people will "inundate" them with applications and then they will reject everyone saying "sorry the standard of applications was very high and unfortunately yours was not chosen" and then there is someone high up rolling about the floor laughing, ready to make up another amusing ad and go through the process again.

In fact, their job sounds pretty cool!

In Case of Fire

Recently I got a memo at work saying on Thursday 7 May there would be evacuation drill at 8.45am, probably take until at least 9.15am or 9.30am. It was designed so that it would clash least with people's work and court commitments.

I thought, "Hey cool! I can come into work late!"

I bet others were thinking similarly.

Then I got told that I happened to be a Floor Warden.

"huh?"

I'm new at this job, and while I was cleaning up the mess left by the last guy I found a large yellow hard hat on my desk. I thought it some weird fetishist object, until now. Apparently I've been 'handed the hat' which means I'm our level's Floor Warden.

And that meant turning up extra early on Thursday for Warden Training in Case of Fire.

And wearing my Bright Yellow Hat.

(By the way if you're Stair Warden your Hat is Red. I'm not sure whether I can swap.)

So I ended up waking up bright and early, tumbling out of bed to learn all about being a warden and how to wear my hat with pride and how to check for people in case of fire.

Then we did a Drill.

I checked for people, truly I did, but I couldn't find anyone. I wasn't sure if that would mean I'd get a Fail. I even checked the men's bathrooms in desperation, seeing if I could catch a stray.

Later the wardens went to a debriefing and discussed the situation. Most of us hadn't found anyone to evacuate in the drill. Someone had managed to rouse up a cleaner to boss around, but that was about it.

We figured out that the main reason was we set the drill early in the morning BEFORE WORK and we told everyone before hand there would be a drill. Most people don't like being evacuated especially when there isn't a real fire (because then there isn't any thrill of danger) so they stayed at home or went to a brekkie (I noted that I didn't find any people but I did find notes on desks saying 'gone out for coffee, back by 9.30' on desks.

Some buildings use a sound system that says "Evacuate immediately, this is not a drill" to get people out of the building; I say if you want people out of there fast, tell them it IS a drill. A really boring one. They disappear like magic.

Conundrums

1. Why do ladies who advertise gym equipment and work-out never look hot and sweaty and have mussed up hair like I did just now after doing 2 sit-ups?
2. How come they look so ecstatic about draping themselvs over a huge big inflatable ball? In fact, why have not more outraged Christian and morals groups come out and protested against these obviously sexually suggestive phallic photographs of women in latex with grins of pleasure draping themselves over huge inflatable balls?
3. Why is it so ultra-cool to pay over a thousand dollars for a machine that encourages you to run for ages and get nowhere?

What the heck just happened to February?

Hang on there.

Slow down, month, you just moved a little too quick for me, wait up for me.

What happened?

I just blinked and what happened to February? In fact, what happened to 2009? It's one-sixth gone, almost, and I only just got an appointment diary (a freebie passed on to me secondhand and partially used but that's beside the point).

I can't believe it's almost done. I haven't even become a better person or learnt how to speak a new language or tidied my socks into paired rolls or any of the things I planned to do this year, or even started on them yet.

Has anyone had that feeling about this year yet, or is it just me?

I also haven't blogged much. I get these ideas for something to blog about, and then I can't blog at work and then by the time I get home I forget them which leaves me with ... nothing to blog about except that I've got a lousy memory. Then there is dinner to eat.

None of that explains where February went.

Not good

I am feeling not good.

I just had my wallet stolen. It's been a bad experience - I know people say this has happened to many people but I've never had it happen to me before. It's an icky feeling knowing someone else is rifling through YOUR WALLET!

I went out today to have lunch with a friend, after which I roamed about the city a little and then came home and noticed - wallet gone!

In a panic I retraced my footsteps, called at stores I'd been to to find out if it had been dropped and handed in, and finally filed a police report and called the bank.

Naturally, terrible and confused thoughts rush through your mind at this time and some of them are:

1. Why didn't they take my phone? Some people have their phones stolen? Why not take my phone instead? It's a nice looking phone. Also, I had just swapped over to another new phone which was sitting at home so the old phone in my bag had no credit on it and was inactive, I wouldn't ave cared if they had taken that. Why didn't they take my PHONE?

2. Why did I withdraw money and keep it in my wallet recently? Why?

3. I had been checking out frivolous things to buy recently and I was thinking "No, Maria, you ought be a good girl, you don't really need that, keep the money in your purse and be more frugal, don't throw it away on silly bits and pieces." Darn it, I should havem and had a good time instead of letting the thieves have it! I should have partied like an idiot instead of letting a DISHONEST IDIOT have the fun of it.

4. In the same vein, why didn't I buy the more expensive lunch? And what about those silly expensive tiny Japanese canned drinks - shoulda got one of those too. Heck, shoulda got ten of them.

5. My library card was in my wallet. Will I suddenly look on my online library card and find that someone has gone to town with putting a whle lot of Barabara Taylor Bradfords or something in my name, for a joke?

Heeeeeeeeeelp!

2007 - Answers without questions, with thanks to Alfina the Vague

I surfed over to the blog of Alfina the Vague and found a set of questions which I, non-specifically, was asked to complete about my experiences of 2007. I tried my best - for a while, then got, as I did, invested in long ramblings that seemed to repeat themselves over and over, in summary about 2007.

So, instead, using the comments as a guide, I think I'll try to summarise the highs and lows of 2007 using the questions as a guide. For a complete set of the questions used, check out Alfina's blog post.

2007

For me, a very successful year - comparatively. "Comparatively" - as Mr Coffee would say, with what? Comparative to a few preceding years, definitely, and I am sorry to say, comparative to the escapades of some I've been near and dear to, who haven't all seemed to have the most easy time I've had this year. I can say I've felt extremely fortunate when I've heard of some of the woes of friends and wish them all a happy 2008.

I didn't make any resolutions in 2007, not formally but I had some hopes and goals and I can say some major goalposts have been passed. Yay! I have finished my Law studies - well, the major study, that is; for those who want to point out for a lawyer study is never over and I might go on to do postgrad study later on. But the formal get-a-job study is done. I went through THREE law ceremonies this year. Uni - College of Law - Admission. That's a bit taxing. I must say now that my struggles with non-stick cookware and my first encounters with a real coffee machine sound insignificant in contrast. Not that they weren't milestones too. Mr Coffee seems to think of one of my major achievements as the ability to froth milk nicely.

On the downside, I tried valiantly to keep out of trouble this year but I have failed to learn a few Cantonese phrases (they keep slipping out of my head - such a slippery language!) and I've done such silly things, such as grating my hand instead of the cheese for pasta. The fact that Mr Coffee and I have never figured out why the risotto turns out so watery is a shame, too.

What has changed in my life, majorly, in 2007, besides the fact I've now become a lawyer? Well, actually having a boyfriend, the valiant and adorable Mr Coffee has to be the most obvious. Coming with the package has to be the fact that I watched far more DVDs, and with that, more sci-fi and comic-book based movies, than I probably had in my entire life, just this year! Ahh - such is life with a boyfriend!

Three more things will remind me especially of 2007

It will be the year I got a scorching sunburn right near the beginning of the year (well, right at the end of 2006, to be exact) and I was peeling for ages afterwards. I still have a few freckles now, but you could see the dark lines for months later and it ached for ages. This was on a formal date with Mr Coffee, a picnic at the Royal Botanical Gardens. Ah, what we do for love!

It will be the year I and my siblings threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my mother, with many of her friends, and a "This is Your Life" theme - and she actually was surprised! With her friends and family, it was amazing they kept the secret for so long.

Winning over 100 books from Borders in their major prize - a combined effort with Mr Coffee - was a major coup. Hurrah - we are still drunk on the high it gave us!

2007 could have been improved if I'd spent more time exercising - who doesn't think that, but never gets round to doing it - probably so many of us - and more time reading books I hadn't read rather than reading old favourites and pamphlets shoved at me in the streets. I should also have been more proactive about experimenting with cooking. I wish I'd seen more of certain friends and enhanced on some of the scribblings I'd started.

I could have spent less time playing mindless computer games and making silly nothing comments on internet newspaper websites. I suppose my parents would say it would have been more enhancing if I spent less time on Google Talk and doing the daily sudoku, but I happen to enjoy them, so too bad. I wish I'd been less of a klutz!

Oh, and reading my daily horoscope is definitely a waste of time.

Musically I have not improved one bit, I'm still a disaster, but I've had the pleasure this year of inflicting my terrible musical disaster upon several other people. Mr Coffee, for one, poor fellow, has heard me sing, and he'll never be the same again. The two songs I'll remember from this year couldn't be more different and were both introduced to me by the said Mr Coffee - Stephen Lynch's "Special Ned" and Loreena McKennitt's "The Lady of Shallott". I hadn't heard of them before this year, and now I've got them both downloaded.

As for books I got far more than I bargained for with the Borders win, and I'm still struggling through, trying to read them. I didn't read many books near the beginning of the year, not new ones, but towards read more, and was particularly happy to have found Peter Goldsworthy's "Honk if You are Jesus" and Joanne Harris's "Chocolat" - not to mention the fun of reading the play "Pygmalion". The worst book I revisited from my childhood would have to be Virginia Andrews' "Flowers in the Attic".

Filmwise I was surprised that I found the quality of the many foreign films I saw this year generally higher than those I saw in English. I saw "Pan's Labyrinth", "The Lives of Others", "As It Is In Heaven", "The Curse of the Golden Flower" - and I don't generally see a lot of foreign films. Of the English language films I saw, I enjoyed "The Bourne Ultimatum" and "Michael Clayton" the most.

Definitely it was Mr Coffee who kept me sane this year! As for the best/nicest person I met this year - well - if, it does have to come in the strict terms of "meeting" this year, it's hard to pick one, because I met a whole bunch of very amiable people at my Law College who could fall under that umbrella. However, I would pick the other paralegal with whom I worked for several months - I knew her longer on a more one-to-one basis and she was really, a very admirable, smart, sunny person, with a good combination of being sweet but not a walkover. A good thing in a prospective lawyer!

Compared with 2006, I'm happy to say I think 2007 was a happier time for me, even if I felt fatter and I'm not richer. Gosh, women's mags would hate me, but I should be on a government ad or something - being skinny and rich don't make you a happier person, ladeez!

I gave into Sweet Valley Nostalgia

Possibly the fluffiest, most unrealistic and most forgettable set of books I read part of the series of, I rememebered recently, and I admit I started googling references to today.

I don't know if any others out there will have heard of or remember a series called Sweet Valley High created by Francine Pascal, but it's a world somewhat like the Beverley Hills world in "Clueless", without the comedy. The stories are based on two impossibly beautiful twin girls, who are not meant to be rich, but somehow have every material comfort that they wish for and loads of makeup and can afford to go to parties all the time. Oh damn, the downside is they aren't the kids in school to own their own personal Porsche, but life deals everyone its rough cards.

The twins are called Jessica and Elizabeth - You're suppposed to think of Jessica as the bad twin and Liz as the good twin, but in reality you often want to kick both. Jessica is selfish and scheming, and Liz, for all her supposed smartness, gets taken in by her sister and plays her fall girl. Liz also is annoyingly passive. Their parents don't show signs of aging, and the many people in the book seem to be stunningly good looking. The stories are often sensationalised and extremely soap opera stupid.

There's a class clown, a set of jocks (that's sports crazy guys, not underwear, though they can be easily mixed up by women), the richest babes and men in town, and a parade of airbrushed hunks to keep Jessica amused. Schemes and tricks as they try to sneak off to parties, bail each other out of terrifying accidents and situations, and steal boyfriends. And have wardrobe malfunctions!

For some reason, though these were fun to read, perhaps because you knew you didn't have to think or care. You closed the book and wondered ..."Oh ... something happened to ... Jess ... right ... actuallly, who cares?" and comfortably went to sleep.

However the books were hugely successful, and caused a lot of speculation, and probably people like me guiltily googling them. They followed the twins from first grade to University. And there is even some talk about some series about them into their twenties/thirties. Now, that mightn't be quite beating the success Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are set for, but it's close. And who knows who will last?

One such site is this, The Lint Ball: SVH where the author ponders whether the twins were actually lesbians.

What I am waiting for is "Sweet Valley Retirement Village". Jessica steals that handsome hunk of a ninety year old from the loyal Elizabeth who stayed by his side since ... first grade? Their parent haven't aged a bit, so they now look younger than the twins. Instead of worrying over their boob jobs and mascara, it's their haemerrhoids and whether their dentures will stay in place to attract that gorgeous mortician that visits for the weekly rounds that's the hot topic for conversation - that is, when they can get their voices above a croak.

And Bruce Patman has abandoned his Porsche for the hottest suped-up electronic wheelchair with all the features. Come on Francine Pascal - you know this series will work.

To State the Blinkin' Obvious

To state the blinking obvious, I haven't posted many blogs this December. Like ... one so far. Besides this.

This is partly slackness, and partly because I've been busy, and partly because I haven't had the urge to write a great deal - at least not blog-wise.

On reflection, some years you have shite years. While it seems superstitious, often you get this feeling it's moving in cycles. And some, you have excellent ones, and some are somewhere in between. I have been blessed. While this year hasn't been perfect - what year is - I can say that I think I've had a better than average year. And then I've been talking to friends and it seems that on average, unfortunately, some of them haven't had the best of years, so I can count myself fortunate.

And can just hope that for everyone, friends and family, things look up in 2008 - the very best is yet to come for them.

Sweet Ever-child

Is it just me, or does the word "child" seem kind of incongruous here? Apparently she's a young, early-twenties inexperienced junior.

When I was that age I wore rounded glasses, a daggy T-shirt, baggy jeans and a Swatch watch, had a jagged thick fringe, pimples, and no hips, and thought joining the chess club was ultra cool. And I thought make-up was pretty cool - if you were a clown or a mime-artist. I had to put socks down my bra to fill out a Double-A bra. Actually, that hasn't changed that much except I finally threw the light-blue and white striped shirt away. I've changed it for a green T-shirt, it cost $5, which was a major outlay for me. It's so mega-hot.

Maybe I'm a Neverland kinda girl, but I get on buses, and I find girls on child passes who look more developed than me. Or so I think. Either school girls grow up quickly, or someone's cheating the transport system for a heck of a lot.

And then these young models who look ... erh, more worldly than me. Hmmm. Am I weird to say I feel rather inadequate in many regions?

If my child looked like that, she'd be using me for her Cabbage Patch Doll.

Happy Birthday Lexicon Harlot!!!!

On this day, long ago - or at least, err hum, some time ago, Lexicon Harlot was born, and the world was not the same ever again. Turmoil. Chaos. Political Protests. Puns. Dog Photo Galleries. Turquoise scarves. Mushroom growing kits. Which is why there is much celebration going on this end of town. I'm in Sydney right now, and Ms Harlot's in Melbourne.

This is time to reflect on Ms Harlot's eminent earlier years. I met her when she was much younger and shorter and actually ate chunky beef bits that weren't made of vegetable, they were made of meat. I also knew her when she had a whole lot more hair.

I remember birthday numero twenty five when a drastic haircut was her celebrarion and she went from long-haired maiden to cropped, and I told her she looked like Young Einstein.

That was rather cruel, but it was even crueller when she soundly beat me at Scrabble that day so I guess we're even.

Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday

Party Games

Times are a-changing. I was just thinking about Christmas day and some fun party games that could be played, when a discussion on Sam And The City turned to party games with the date and sex theme.

Now what ever happened to good old-fashioned 'Spin the Bottle'? Spin an old green glass bottle and get an innocent peck - or maybe a not-so-innocent-not-so-peckish-smooch, depending on your luck. Or 'Truth Or Dare'.

But then on Sam's blog popped up a game called 'Stone Face' - and actually, I'm loathe to use the term 'popped up' and 'Stone Face' in the same sentence. Now I'm no prude, or maybe I am (up for challenge) but I was just a little more than squeamish when explained the 'Rules of The Game'.

The rules, one person explained go along the lines of all the game players of the same gender (say the males) sitting around a table, with their lower torso covered by a sheet. The player(s) of the opposite gender would go under the table and choose one person to ... errh, um, how do I prudishly explain this, well I guess I go for the dive and say it out plainly - orally pleasure - and that person would attempt to keep a 'stone face', that is, not show by grimace or smile or cringe or other that they were the Chosen One. Then the others would try to guess who was Chosen.

Hmmmm.

A long way from 'Spin The Bottle' days. What would my mother think of that?

Of course, proponents of the game go on about freedom of choice, but like all party games, everyone's subject to the peer pressure, and the teasing and being felt left out and boring. "You're so boring, you don't crawl under tables and smooch anonymous genitalia! That is sooooo uninteresting!" is the battlecry of today's youth!

Now let's do an historical comparison of peer pressure, adventure and party games:

I'm remembering that gem of a book, the foundation stone of my childhood, 'Little Women'. There's a lovely chapter where some of the more daring and adventurous characters participate in a game called 'Truth' - they each take turns in having to answer (truthfully) questions put by the others. "Which lady here do you think the prettiest?" is a probing question, as is "Didn't you cheat at croquet?"

Amidst the laughter of the revelations, Jo says "Well, I think Truth is a very silly play. Let's have a sensible game of Authors to refresh our minds."

Then there's that wild game of "Daring" that's all the rage in 'Anne Of Green Gables' when she breaks her ankle walking the ridge pole of a roof after she gives in to daring from her classmate.

"Let them dare away," scoffs Marilla, when Anne asks her what she would have done in the face of peer pressure.

Wonder what Marilla would be thinking if it wasn't a ridge pole facing her little girl, but some dangly bits under the table ...

And how Jo would have refreshed her mind ...

Merciful goodness! Let's have a nice game of Scrabble to refresh our minds ...