A Beginners' Survival Guide To Sam And The City

Blogger Lexicon Harlot sprayed orange juice over her keyboard at the reading of it, and I say that enough's enough. Anything that causes a waste of orange juice is worth a protest over. The Sam And The City blog on the Sydney Morning Herald website, darn it.

'Lexi caused a dangerous juice spill, stumbled and fell, simply by reading about 'chivalry' and the 'biological clock' - but that's tame to a seasoned blog patron of SATC. Read Lexicon's post here.

Bloggers' Guide To SATC

1. Do not know the meaning of, but be prepared to recognise, the words 'intone', 'opine', and 'hilarious'. These are used frequently, discretely, indiscriminately, and out of context.

2. Be prepared to play blog poker. That means something along the lines of using the 6-digit security code provided by SMH each time you post, and announcing it as part of your post, and cheering if you got doubles or triples of any number. This, many bloggers who consider themselves highly intelligent, think of as very witty.

3. Announce whenever you get 999999 as your security code as proof that whatever you post must be correct, or that you are going to have good luck that do, or whatever you feel like. This is also considered very witty, despite the fact that 999999 must be one of the most common computer generated security codes to get.

4. Try to be the first person to post on a blog topic. Don't say anything relevant, write "first post?" or "Hey, first post, too bad I don't have anything to rite! hehehehee!"
Since the blog takes a while to update, this ensures that there will be a string of about six posts like that on each blog before anything on topic is written. It's also pretty good to write "No you didn't get first post" in answer, to string this out a little, ensuring that anyone reading the blog will have to scroll down about two screens before they actually start reading anything relevant. Again, many posters consider this extremely witty. Even though this ritual has been going on for over one year, approximately 5 days per week.

5. There are several posters who love stirring and criticising others, quite personally, but puerilely attack you for the same. Expect to read a lot of "I know you are but what am I"s or attempting-to-be-witty-sarcastic-put-downs.

6. Don't tell anything to a blog-poster you can't risk being posted - especially if you've met them at a blogmeet and they drink way too much. The "what goes on off the blog, stays off the blog" doesn't always stick, especially when people are angry - or drunk.

7. If anyone asks you your astrological sign ... oh, this applies to how you'd deal with anyone asking you your astrological sign in person. Sorry.