Wednesday, 1 August 2007

Mr Coffee is cheating on me!

I am convinced Mr Coffee must be cheating on me.
He has won about the last 4 matches of Uno from me, all by a massive margin, and one by over 500 points!

You only need 500 points to win Uno.

There is something in that.

What shall I do?

I read a book on 100% predictable things men will do when they cheat, and the top two things are they will deny it, and they will express disapproval in cheating.

Mr Coffee has already said he doesn't think it's good to cheat at Uno!


He then denied cheating when confronted.


Can I keep the Uno relationship with him if there is no longer trust?


Friendless said...

I reckon he's got a Grouch up his sleeve and a Grover in his pants.

Maria said...

You seem to know too much, Friendless.

I've been suspecting awkward pants activity for a while now and I've been queasy about it for a while. You've just brought that to the fore.

Now you've made me WANT to lose so I don't have a shuffle them Grovers and Grouches.

Was this yours and Mr Coffee's plan?

You men - always stick together.

Mr Mean said...

Does that book you mentioned also assert the cards in men's Uno: Playboy Special Edition decks are always stuck together?

prude said...

I has looked at the Men's Playboy Uno Mr Mean.

I is disgusted at the Wild Card chick! You has a dirty mind! Put a bit of - anything - to cover her you-know-whats!

On the other hand .... how many penguin dance exercises must she do a day to be that limber? I is amazed anyone could get themselves in such a position. It is beyond my comprehension.

Maria said...

Another 100% predictable thing he will do ... he will mention another pack in order to distract ... he will attempt to make light of the situation to make you feel silly for accusing him ....

It's eating me!

It's eating me!

It's eating me!

I have nightmares of that 500+ points. I may need to go back to my Uno Anonymous Group and have Solo Therapy with myself, and get me to straighten myself out. I should make an appointment but right now I can't get it straight.

I'm checking his undies next laundry for Grovers.

TimT said...

I used to play chess against myself, inducing a round of jokes from my parents - 'who's winning, Timothy?' We also played 500 at home for a while (a much superior game to Uno, I find) but then my brother decided he didn't like it, and I was especially frustrated. With the aid of a card book, I taught myself 2-handed 500, and started, er, playing against myself...

Oh, and once I worked out a way of stacking the deck so that you won at Patience, straight away. (A much more interesting and intellectually stimulating exercise than actually playing patience.)

Some would say I had a deprived childhood. Actually, they'd be right about that...

Maria said...

Now, now, TimT, let's not get into the "Uno against 500" fight. It's quality, not quantity, and what's more, you might give Eddie McGuire some ideas. That's one thing we can live without.

I've tried Solitaire but even then I always seem to lose. Then there's chess against me, but what about stalemates.

Darn I'm a defeatist. I've lost before I've even deuced.

You know, I played a game of Set by myself - or so I thought - and I was doing amazingly better than I did when I played against Mr Coffee, when he walked into the room and started calling "Set" and pointing 'em out for me, and I began to lose.

Party Pooper.

You're right TimT, it's time to change games. 500. Bridge. TicTacToe. Anyone got any ideas for some handsome 2 people games in which a young woman without a coffee stimulant has the upper hand?

All suggestions welcome.

TimT said...

Shadow boxing. But make sure your shadow doesn't hit below the belt.

Friendless said...

Lost Cities is famous as a game at which women are better than men. can sell you a copy. Scrabblette and I also like Scrabble (of course), Ido (which is probably out of print), Metro, Through the Desert, BuyWord, Ingenious, Quoridor, Hey! That's My Fish!, Saint Petersburg, TransEuropa, GIPF, Hive, Unspeakable Words and Blokus Trigon. You can probably find a few of those at Paradise Games in York St (I think?). Go to the shop and have a look at which of those seem exciting to you. Scrabblette defeated me 2 games to 1 at "10 Days in Africa" this evening, but watch out in case Mr Coffee gets a Horn of Africa or a Cape of Good Hope.

Maria said...

Hi TimT & Friendless. Thank you for all suggestions. As for other games. Mr Coffee has beaten me soundly before. At the thumbs wrestling game. So I had to stop that. I think it is unfair when someone has a bigger hand. A much bigger hand and a much bigger thumb. I need to borrow the hand of that woman in the Seinfeld "Man-hands" episode.

Now he is trying to come tops in Snap.

Each time we have a conversation and I say something vaguely similar to him, he calls out "Snap!"

Either I start a fight/disagreement, or he wins.

Or maybe I just start a fight about him winning.


I have to come tops at some game - what are the rules of 500 again? I'm off to Google it. I learnt it once before but I've forgotten what the finer points are, or more importantly, whether there were any finer points.

Mr Coffee said...

How soon we forget! You beat me in the last several of games of Scrabble against me, and I never suspected you of tW(E)AKING the distribution of the tiles.

Maria said...

Hmmm ... I'm not going to forget that I whipped everyone (4 player game) at Scrabble twice in a row on Saturday (the 4th August).

Scrabble is the game for me.

Damn, though, they killed me at Uno. I only won one measly hand, and I barely got on the scareboard with a few points while everyone else edged towards 500.

I'm far better at Tweaking the tiles than shuffling, let's face it.