Jawbreaker! The Ball Breaker!

It's only ... no, less than a month into 2008, and already I'm breaking resolutions. Informal ones. I really wanted to avoid mind-numbing computer games this year, as I'd wasted far too much time on mindless computer games , and what happened?

Mr Coffee introduced me to a game on his PDA which I've been able to play on my computer as well, and I got addicted. I've been hurting my eyes, staying up all hours, Jawbreaking.

Yes I wanted to practice and be good at this game. But rather contrarily I've wasted time on this mindless game because I'm not really getting much better at it or developing much strategy. My mind is turning to jello.

The aim of the game is to get high points by busting balloons in little groups like this, of the same colour. Once you bust the balloons, the rest in the columns fall down, and regroup the other balloons. The higher the number of callooons busted in one group, the higher your score. And you can only bust a group if the balls are sitting next to each other (diagonally doesn't count) and they are the same colour. And it's hard to explain the fascination except you end up playing over and over again. And if you're me, you end up not thinking much about what you're doing - especially if it's 3am.

Ball Breaking, is the nickname I've given to this game, but in reality it's a complete waste of time, and I'm getting back to it ...

The Christmas Jitters!

Christmas means lots of things to many people, but for me, much of it has to do with meeting up with extended family, overeating, and playing lots of games. It also has to do with watching Dancesport and some terrible free-to-air Christmas movies, but those are avoided if possible, especially the latter.

Food was in abundance, and so were games. And relatives. Which meant playing in teams. We pulled out the first two games we could find, and wiped off the thick layer of dust which had acccumulated after possibly over a decade of neglect. One was Pictionary; the other Jitters.

We decided to try Jitters first.

Division was in four teams of two, and Mr Coffee and I were a team. Though most people found they were teams in name only, and much of the game was spent criticising each other's strategy and screeching at their teammate.

The game Jitters is thus named for its Jittery nature. You get a timer and have to make words with dice on cards - the more you make before the timer goes off, the better. And each card has a score according to difficulty. When you have decided you have completed as many as you can, you lock your point score in by switching off the timer. But if you take a card and don't finish it before your timer is up, you lose all your points for that round, including any cards you may have successfully completed.

Jitters was very successful as it was not only fun but brought out our character traits.

For instance, my cousin lazily let his fiancee do most of the work, but when she had finished a card, often frustrated her efforts, even though they were on the same team - which caused her to screech almost every round. Mr Coffee accused me of being bad at rolling dice and hiding cards from him (who, me?).

Now, perhaps that's not quite as deep as showing the relationship we all had with our mothers, but Jitters is on to something. Should be a compulsory accessory to every counsellor's kit.

Mismatched Sporting Opportunities

Before I start on a Christmas dissection, I just read a bit in the paper where a journalist was defending soccer (no, he wasn't the goalkeeper).

He was trying to explain that it really was a very exciting game, even if snobs in rugby looked down at it as a sport for the numerically challenged who couldn't understand the complexities of rugby scoring.

Huh?

Since when did difficult numerics come into rugby, either? This kind of reminds me of the Sixteen going On Seventeen song from the Sound of Music, where the pompous ass seventeen year old thinks he's great guns for being seventeen and not sixteen. Whoopie-doo! Rugby includes something like having to add fours, twos and ones (as opposed to having to just add ones, as in soccer). Which may be brain-bending for some rugby players, but pretty much a laugh for most of us who passed first grade.

Even slightly challenging mathematics isn't something often associated with rugby, so why even bother boasting about the difficult maths needed for your sport? It should be kept simple (for the life of me, I don't see why the 15, 30, 40 is needed in tennis).

Just the same way as chess isn't associated with boxing. But for some reason which boggles the brain, some people with a real sense of humour have put together the sport of chess boxing , combining the two popular competition activities, so while they're sitting down waiting for sudoku wrestling and Scrabble weightlifting to make its mark, I'm going to suggest Rugby Calculus Tournaments.

What sort of mismatched Sporting & Gaming Comps would you love to see - and perhaps get involved in?

Wonka Wisdom

I must say I must be the coolest person ever. Or at least close to.

I just received my Borders Shortlist (sign up at the Borders Book Webpage ) and I found out they were celebrating Roald Dahl's birthday, which is on the 13th September. And you know, that makes for a whole lot more interesting stuff in a newsletter than celebrating APEC.

F'rinstance, they listed four top Dahl books. Matilda, The Twits, The BFG and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. That's great, though I would have a hard time not squeezing in The Witches there too. I can also say I just read Esio Trot recently and I have a great image of tortoises all over a living room that is pretty darn cool.

Then there was the Wonka Quiz.

I got 100%. 10/10. I am officially a Wonka master! Unfortunately I don't win a Golden Ticket but I have my self respect and a huge ego now, even bigger than when I wrote my last post.

I can say I am one of those people who knew what Hair Toffee does and what happened to Prince Pondicherry and which flavour bar the last Golden Ticket was hidden in. I am officially Wonka Wise, Scrumptiously Sage, Chocaliciously, Scrumpliciously Cool!

This day is one I have been waiting for all my life. Joyous!

Baby Games

Over on TimT's blog he's pining a bit for kids' game shows and giving us the latest rundown on the Einstein Factor for kids.

While there's Australia's Brainiest Kid, and the Einstein Factor For Kids, and It's Academic! (for schoolchildren teams), and Australian Idol for younger people who don't want to be kids and put on so much makeup that they look older than me, I think we're missing out on many of the fine possibilities in reality, game show and TV sport production that could be aimed at children.

What about "I want that Mummy!"

How many little kids have found themselves bitterly disappointed with their families and the parents they've been born to, and been absolutely sure there's been a mix up at the hospital? This is the Perfect Match for Kids. Children behind a door and ask several possible parent couples questions. Can Dexter the Robot pair up who is the more likely Mummy and Daddy for this child? Maybe there WAS a mix up at the hospital! At least they may be going home with a more suitable parent couple ... or at least out on one date with them to test them out ...

Or the Bratz model - "I want THAT, Mummy"

Select the 12 top tantrum tossers in the country, and bring them to a showdown in the local department store or supermarket. Trot them down the aisles and see who can wear down a professional actor, posing as a Mummy, the fastest. Who will give in first - Master Mummy, to the screaming fits for marshmallows and Lego and a baby Ipod? Or the Master Tantrum Tosser to threats of no Wiggles concerts for the next three hundred years ... stay tuned!

Baby Sumo Wrestling

If obesity is such a problem in this country, why not celebrate and take advantage of it rather than hide it and be ashamed of it? Ya know what I'm talking about.

An Even More Time-Consuming and Mind-Numbing Way To Waste Your Time Than Browsing Blogs

I haven't been writing posts or commenting on blogs much lately or even reading them.

Why not?

I found this competition on the Borders site recently - World's Best Fabricator's - Win A Bookcase

Comp ends 20th August

You actually don't get a bookcase but there are lots of books to win, like 100 of them. Someone is about to win 100 books at a go, but there are 100 books to be won individually - actually a whole lot more practical if you wouldn't have room for 100 books and have read some of those titles already, but wouldn't mind getting a freebie. And six $100 vouchers, and lots of coupons for Borders buyers.

But it's a pretty time-consuming game if you want some of the better prizes like a free book. It can still be a bit time-consuming if you want a better coupon (On my first few go's I got coupons for reduced price manga titles, and I'm not a big manga title buyer, so that wasn't much good to me).

It can also be rather addictive, ieven if you're just like me and waste a lot of time staring at the bookcase and trying to decide what your next purchases would be if only you had a few extra few hundred dollars to blow on fiction, and then realising you were getting sucked into the whole Borders gimmick right along.

Anyhow, good luck everybody!

Mr Coffee is cheating on me!

I am convinced Mr Coffee must be cheating on me.
He has won about the last 4 matches of Uno from me, all by a massive margin, and one by over 500 points!

You only need 500 points to win Uno.

There is something in that.

What shall I do?

I read a book on 100% predictable things men will do when they cheat, and the top two things are they will deny it, and they will express disapproval in cheating.

Mr Coffee has already said he doesn't think it's good to cheat at Uno!

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

He then denied cheating when confronted.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

Can I keep the Uno relationship with him if there is no longer trust?

You Know, Uno Anonymous

I think I should start an Uno Anonymous Society. There would be one member right here, me. But with a name like Uno Anonymous, that number is about right.

I'm addicted. It's dire. Lately, Mr Coffee has won several matches of Uno by massive margins, and I'm desperate to win them back. It's a matter of pride, I tell you. It's a matter, of you know, Uno.

My desperation has made me do some silly things. In my wild fever of sorting my hand out so I'd have the Mr Snuffleupagus's all ready in a row to defend, I failed to note that Mr Coffee didn't say "Uno!" - and I got hit with a menacing Draw 4 and he won over 200 points from me in one game. A cruel blow. That's what happens when cards make you throw caution to the wind, and my Uno Society is determined to cap that.

The more I lose, the more I play, like a pokey machine addict, or Pauline Hanson.

I beg for help.

Jolly Good Things About Christmas

I am feeling a little bit inadequate, and no, it's got nothing to do with any involvement in games of Strip Scrabble or for that matter, Nude Twister. Though that was a pretty good guess.

Unlike many of the blogs and websites around, I haven't given much of a nod to Christmas in my posting.

I was told as a young 'un if I didn't have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all, which accounted for that rather awkward silence of about four years, mistakenly attributed by my parents to my inadvertent swallowing of a chicken bone, which they didn't really bother about attempting to fish out.

There are some pretty neat things about Christmas.

More fun even than how much fun it is to be a Christmas grinch and go on about cheesy carols and annoying long queues and expensive presents when people are starving in Ethiopia.

In fact, that is a dumb thing to say. There aren't many people who, if they weren't buying a Playstation for their kid, would donate the money to a starving Ethiopian. They would buy the Playstation for themselves. At least Christmas is that great time where Playstations go to children who can't afford them instead of adults who ought to be working and not having any fun.

Also, Christmas carols can lots of fun too. I happen to love Christmas carols, it's just such a pity that when I threaten to sing I can clear a suburb, so I have resigned myself to listening and a bit of toe-tapping and inane smiling. There is a lot of love going around at Christmas, unfortunately carols have decided not to share that love with me.

Christmas food is always a winner too. Each year we slave over the stove and cook a traditional huge hot family roast and a turkey so big I think it might be declared another planet. And then there is the huge pudding and steaming hot custard. Then someone remembers that Christmas in Australia is in summer.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

A Nice Game Of Scrabble

Last post I advocated a lovely - no, 'Nice', game of Scrabble.

However, as I was reminded, Scrabble isn't always so nice. Once played sedately by polite families who wanted to build their 9-year-old's spelling and vocabulary skills, it blossomed into a sport which you'd be unwise to play without mouthguards and shinpads.

When I first played Scrabble, Mum would mumble "oooh, a P and a T and an E hmmm let's see, what can we do here ..., can I help you with your letters dear?"

Since then it's metamorphosised into a war-game. I settled down to a game where my opponents screamed "Block off tactics! Cover the left hand corner of the board. Lure her into using the P, then move towards the triple, and cut her off towards the top! Move into the Double and the Z area - if we can't use it, she can't either! Ah-har!"

Not only has Scrabble turned into a life and death tactics game, but it's become ... naughty. OK, sexual. You don't need to play 'Stone Face' (see below) to get a raunchy game going, a 'Nice' game of Scrabble can become a raunchy game of Scrabble, and for all those eagerly awaiting details, yes, you can still use your old 'nice' set.

In fact, it seems almost every game is going the sexy route (pardon the pun).

Ways To Spice Up Your Scrabble Life

1. Strip Scrabble

Each round, the person who made the lowest scoring word takes a bit of clothing off. Or gets it taken off. Either way, you've got someone naked sitting there pretty quickly, because let's face it, everyone knows there is:

a) Always someone who is a loser at Scrabble, and usually finds it difficult finding the two-pointer words. And that this person is usually an old, ugly, wrinkly or deformed person when you're playing Strip Scrabble.

b) Always some exhibitionist who will put out (a lot), oh yes, and also put out a lot of two-pointer words, just for an excuse to show off their body. They also tend to be the old, ugly, wrinkly or deformed people. And they're usually the most likely to be completely deluded about their looks.

2. Sex Dictionary Scrabble

Only words having to do with sex and dating can be formed on the board. Let the words intersect and intertwine. Length of word does count, a lot, but so does size and how you use it. And definitely how it fits in nicely and snugly with the spaces left by the other words.

See how many times you can get ORGASM on the triple word, and whether many players start their play with DINNER, a DRINK, a CUDDLE and some STROKING or do they just lay out the HUMPING from the word go?

How many people will put out SEX before they've even gone for their first DATE?

And how many guys actually do manage to find CLITORIS?

Oh my. Oh God. I love Scrabble. The versatility. The contortions. The tension. Anything is possible.

Party Games

Times are a-changing. I was just thinking about Christmas day and some fun party games that could be played, when a discussion on Sam And The City turned to party games with the date and sex theme.

Now what ever happened to good old-fashioned 'Spin the Bottle'? Spin an old green glass bottle and get an innocent peck - or maybe a not-so-innocent-not-so-peckish-smooch, depending on your luck. Or 'Truth Or Dare'.

But then on Sam's blog popped up a game called 'Stone Face' - and actually, I'm loathe to use the term 'popped up' and 'Stone Face' in the same sentence. Now I'm no prude, or maybe I am (up for challenge) but I was just a little more than squeamish when explained the 'Rules of The Game'.

The rules, one person explained go along the lines of all the game players of the same gender (say the males) sitting around a table, with their lower torso covered by a sheet. The player(s) of the opposite gender would go under the table and choose one person to ... errh, um, how do I prudishly explain this, well I guess I go for the dive and say it out plainly - orally pleasure - and that person would attempt to keep a 'stone face', that is, not show by grimace or smile or cringe or other that they were the Chosen One. Then the others would try to guess who was Chosen.

Hmmmm.

A long way from 'Spin The Bottle' days. What would my mother think of that?

Of course, proponents of the game go on about freedom of choice, but like all party games, everyone's subject to the peer pressure, and the teasing and being felt left out and boring. "You're so boring, you don't crawl under tables and smooch anonymous genitalia! That is sooooo uninteresting!" is the battlecry of today's youth!

Now let's do an historical comparison of peer pressure, adventure and party games:

I'm remembering that gem of a book, the foundation stone of my childhood, 'Little Women'. There's a lovely chapter where some of the more daring and adventurous characters participate in a game called 'Truth' - they each take turns in having to answer (truthfully) questions put by the others. "Which lady here do you think the prettiest?" is a probing question, as is "Didn't you cheat at croquet?"

Amidst the laughter of the revelations, Jo says "Well, I think Truth is a very silly play. Let's have a sensible game of Authors to refresh our minds."

Then there's that wild game of "Daring" that's all the rage in 'Anne Of Green Gables' when she breaks her ankle walking the ridge pole of a roof after she gives in to daring from her classmate.

"Let them dare away," scoffs Marilla, when Anne asks her what she would have done in the face of peer pressure.

Wonder what Marilla would be thinking if it wasn't a ridge pole facing her little girl, but some dangly bits under the table ...

And how Jo would have refreshed her mind ...

Merciful goodness! Let's have a nice game of Scrabble to refresh our minds ...