Saturday, 27 January 2007

Something Wrong About Mr Speedos ...

For some time a debate has raged over which way to go - boardies or Speedos ? Now, never having the ... errh, pleasure, of wearing either, I'll refrain from commenting on the comfort-in-water debate. Some say that the budgie smugglers just display a bit too much - or too little, depending on water temperature, others contend that the aerodynamic fit is necessary.

But picnicking on Australia Day at Coogee, I've got to say, there are some times when the Speedos are just plain wrong.

If you're coming out of the surf at Coogee Beach, I can see a strong case for the Speedo look, even if they're giving the appearance your modest-sized crotch-jewels wish to burst forth and greet all your fellow beach-goers.

We were having a picnic up on the grass, well away from the beach, overlooking the sea.

A guy is strolling around there in Speedos. An old dark T-shirt and ill-fitting a bit baggy Speedos, no less.

I did a doubletake.

My first impression was that the man had lost his trousers and was walking about in his T-shirt and undies - the kind of unashamed "I left my only pair of trousers in a hedge somewhere, but, hey, I'll go for a stroll and take my dog for a walk all the same, in my undies what the heck" look.

There's got to be a limit to wear you can wear your Speedos. Fought for them as some have. Next thing, we'll have corporate meetings with CEOs strolling in with a jacket, crisp linen shirt and Speedos.

As Australian as they are, that has to be un-Australian.


righteous said...

I think you have judged the BS's a bit hastily, Maria. As a wearer myself, it is amazing how much attention they garner, how many eyes are flying to the crotch when I wear them and how eye contact seems to come second. Who told these people to look down there?

I mean, are they sizing me up, so to speak, to see if my wedding tackle would meet their rquirements, if indeed they could apply their requirements to me in any case? Is this just a primal human impulse dating back to prehistoric times? Are women like you that decry the budgies really rebelling against their inner cavewoman?

I maintain unrelenting eye contact with these perves, searching for any signs of disappointment, or worse, mirth. So far, the best I've had is that embarrassed, 'busted' look.

Interesting suggestions on the business-suit-with-speedos-as-fashion look from you, though. Perhaps we could design & launch a range: The 'Malcolm Frazer in Memphis' look.

Apache said...

Many women also walk around in a state of near-nakedness, not that I'm complaining, the more the merrier!

alexis said...

My sister was just telling me about a boy who asked his olders-and-wisers how to impress the lassies at the beach. He was advised to stuff a potato down his speedos, and so he selected for himself a premium spud, plonked it into his swimmers, and proceeded to strut about the strand with a hopeful look on his face. But instead of leaping into his arms, young women fled in horror. Pour quoi? No one had told him to stow the potato in the *front* of his speedos.

More to the point: YOU were at Coogee on friday? So was I, dammit. (Although not until about 6 pm.) We could have hung out and compared Australian flag thongs.

Anonymous said...

Hot guys look really hot in speedos, the smaller the speedo the better provided the guy is in really good shape. Young boys look good in them because they haven't filled out yet but when they get older and firmer and muscular, then they look fabulous.

Maria said...

anonymous, this is definitely one reason why Mr Baggy Speedos on Australia Day ught to be given a convict flogging as an un-iconic un-role-model. Or whatever they are called.

Maria said...

Alexis - you mightn't have recognised me at Coogee on Friday. I actually donned a hat and sunscreen - fear of yet again being lobsterised.

I'm sure the boy wasn't *told* to stow a potato down the front of his Speedos, but perhaps he thought about it and decided stuffing it down the back may have led to some even more difficult to answer questions, and taking the BS term literally and smuggling a budgie there may have caused for a little more discomfort than he was ready to handle. So he went for the spud. There's always some way to explein these decisions made by the young fashionistas of the day.

Maria said...

Righteous ... I believe in this case, the response was a sense of horror. Even "The Ring" wasn't as disturbing.

ras said...

Ergh, baggy budgie smugglers...surely there cant be anything worse, aside from the stray pubs sticking out the top or worse...the side.

Anyone whose dick stickers are in that bad a shape should be forced to buy a new pair....anyone with a sizeable gut should like wise be banned from wearing them

Maria said...

Aaah, ras - did you have to mention the sizable gut?

Another sight on Australia Day - Mr Wobbly Gut (very pale) wearing a pair of too tight pants, wobble-gut spilling over, top bared, attempting to play cricket...

That just wasn't cricket.

Firstly, please be aware, sir, people were eating in the vicinity. It was a family area.

Secondly, was there a battle I wasn't aware about, for Mr Un-Australian Of The Year?

Mr Speedos vs Mr Wobble-Gut.

You Decide.