Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Who's to blame?

Every so often you hear the government telling people to get out there and get more enthusiastic about finding a job, and maybe don't be so picky, we all have to do our bit, we can't be so picky in these times blah blah. Of course they want us to do any old job, unemployment is bad for stats which reflect upon them.

And (certain) employed people often tell unemployed people to get off their butts and get cracking and find a job, any job, you can't wait around to find a dream job. (It's more rare for an unemployed person to go on like this to other unemployed people.)

But while the onus mainly falls on unemployed people to change the state of unemployment in Australia (that is, make unemployment lower, not greater), let's have a look at who else could be helping out here. I think we can point our finger at many who are just not helping and they aren't us unemployed people:

1. The employed, in fact the OVER-employed

Working hard? Earning good money? You disgust us. While you pontificate about how unemployed people should be getting jobs, every time you work overtime or multitask, think about how you are taking a job away from an innocent unemployed bum who could be earning a slice of your salary. Are you writing an email while talking on the phone and does it cut into your designated lunch break? Do you think about how to manage that project while you are pressing the buttons on the photocopier?

Shame on you.

2. Animals

There's always a whinge about how immigrants take the jobs of hardworking Australians, but what about animals who take the jobs of potentially hardworking humans?
Every time you train a horse, or get a guide dog, or run a rat through a maze, that's something a human could do. Probably pretty well, though maybe a little slower at first, and not look as cute. But we have to make allowances.

3. Employers and their silly, self-indulgent ads

Really, how about writing ads that actually sound attractive for once and say something about the job? So we can apply? I am very sick of reading an ad that's a page long and goes on about this globally recognised company and then when you get to the bottom of the ad you realise it said nothing about the job position. Damn, am I going for CEO or sandwich trolley lady? I wouldn't have a clue. Do I write about how darn cool I look in a suit and what fantastic leadership skills I have and how great I am at wooing Japanese businessmen, or how great I am with slapping turkey and lettuce between slices of rye?

It's a mystery.

Every time someone puts out one of these ads it's seriously a waste of time for the whole economy because unemployed people waste their time reading it and trying to figure it out, possibly waste their time writing a misguided application for it which gets nowhere, when they could have been applying for ones in line with their skills and getting a job.

4. Recruitment Agencies who put out Sham Ads

Frustrating and again a waste of people's time and money. You know who I'm talking about, Gemteq Executive.

5. Recruitment Websites/Agencies who File Ads Improperly (or their filters don't work)

It seems some people have worked the filters so their ad appears everywhere, and filters don't filter it out. So their luscious ad for being a Manager for Whoop Whoop company needing a degree in Engineering and five years experience, based in Perth appears even if you put on the filter NSW - Sydney - West and want only Media - Performance jobs or something.

Yeah, sure, you want your job out there, but the reason people put these filters on is because when they say Sydney, they are not interested in Perth. At ALL. So you're wasting your time, annoying people and making everyone's search slower and more difficult. Pains in the Asses.

6. People who don't yank the ad and the position has been filled 3 months ago.

I can forgive a delay of a couple of days, things are busy and your newbie has been occupying your time. But it is very annoying and another waste of time to have an ad sitting on a website (or anywhere) saying you want someone, and then you go to all the trouble of applying and find out that the position was filled - over a month ago. Thanks a lot.


Anonymous Bosch said...

You're right, but training a lawyer to run a maze is almost impossible.

Maria said...

I am sure there will be plenty of hunters who will happy to substitute a fox or pheasant for a lawyer. They would pay.

Though we are tough old birds when it comes to the kitchen table. I have seen many a plump one though, especially in Senior Counsel. Lots of meat, though I'm not sure about how good the skin is still. It would just have to be for the sport of it.

River said...

Re point#1; these people are probably multi tasking trying to hold on to their jobs, since the boss or CEO or whatever has downsized the company to the point where there is only a handful of people to do the jobs that once employed dozens.
point #3; I'd love to be a sandwich trolley/tea lady person. Unfortunately no-one has these anymore. It's an automatic coffee/chocolate/sugar dispenser next to a hot water urn. Bugger!

Maria said...

"these people are probably multi tasking trying to hold on to their jobs"

But that's just plain selfish!

Apply for a personal assistant job, many managers seem to think getting their tea and sandwich in order is about the only thing that matters in your job!

You may have to sharpen their pencils every so often as well.

(It is strange because the job will probably go on about how you have to have a degree, multitask, prioritise, work in a fast-paced environment, have a flair for numbers, have excellent communication skills, be able to handle sensitive info and delicate situations, be good with computers, pay attention to detail blah blah.

Then you will find yourself plonked in a seat and playing Solitaire all day except that three times a day you make a strong black and once a day you pop out to the nearby cafe and buy him his 'usual' sandwich and put it on his tab - the cafe knows his usual.

I love those ads ... yeah.)

River said...

"but that's just plain selfish"
Yes it is, but it's the bosses who are being selfish here, not the workers. The bosses won't hire more staff, so the workers have to do more than the one task.

James Drax said...

This list is so right, it's depressingly hilarious!

Maria said...

You know what's really stooooopid?

When they list all those glittering skills they want you to have and you don't really need any of them.

Like, wanted, someone with a law degree, excellent communication skills, ability to use Word and Excel and Outlook, ability to do legal research, understanding of how to deal with legal clients, excellent numerical skills, high administrative skills, high analytical skills, several years experience in a similar job, BLAH BLAH BLAH

You think it sounds challenging and you get in there and your job consists in:

making a little tea
cutting out a few things and pasting them in a big book
doing a little photocopying
sitting around listening to people gab a lot
arranging pencils and pens

The job should really list as skills:

Proficiency with photocopier
Ability to make tea
Ability to stay awake when bored out of your mind

Many jobs don't list the really necessary skills like "Ability to deal with shams, fakes and idiots" or "Ability to fix broken dishwasher" or "Can handle boss's drycleaning" or "Can lie convincingly to boss's spouse" or "Can organise office sweepstakes and birthday cakes" but in the end that's what they find themselves doing most of the time.

They really ought to point out what the job REALLY involves! And also stop listing all those silly attributes that you never end up using anyhow!

Maria said...

I just looked on careerone and they had a job where the heading was "FUN JOB". OUt of interest I clicked, expectiong it to be one of those wanker items that said it was an accountant or a tech or a law job but you worked with a "fun bright team" and spent all your day doing what you loved that was hardworking but somewhat creative working with 'great people'.

I qwas surprised that the job actually was somewhat different - well it was dressing up as a clown and going to kids' birthday parties.

I don't know exactly how much fun that is, I've never done it and I suspect for some it may be fun and for others it may be torture. (I always get this image of Steve martin dressing up as a cowboy from 'Parenthood')

But it least it wasn't a wanker office-job-but-we-are-fun-ad.